Side sleeping: The Breastfeeding Sleep Position I Stopped Feeling Guilty About

There is something about breastfeeding in the middle of the night that feels completely different from feeding during the day. Everything is quiet and instinctive. Your baby stirs, you turn towards them, they find the breast, and before long you are both drifting back to sleep.

For me, this often means my baby stays lying on his side after a feed, facing me, with his little arm resting across my body. I often fall asleep like this too. It is almost completely unconscious — a little dance between the two of us that happens throughout the night without either of us really thinking about it.

With my first baby, I did exactly the same thing, but I remember feeling guilty about it. I would breastfeed her lying down and then worry that I hadn’t rolled her back onto her back. I knew the safer-sleep advice, and I felt as though I was somehow failing if I didn’t carefully reposition her.

With my second baby, I am much more confident in my choices and much more comfortable with the realities of breastfeeding and sleep. And recently, while reading Sarah Buckley’s Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering, I came across a section that made me stop and think: wow, I don’t feel so bad anymore.

What the Research Says About Breastfeeding and Side Lying Sleep

Buckley discusses research by Professor James McKenna, who studied mothers and babies sleeping together. One of the observations was particularly interesting: formula-fed babies were more often observed sleeping on their backs, while breastfed babies spent more than half their time on their sides. The researchers also observed that very few breastfeeding babies rolled forwards onto their stomachs, suggesting that the mother’s proximity may have helped prevent this.

The sentence that really stayed with me was:

“Breastfeeding babies spent more than half the time on their sides.”

— Sarah Buckley, Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering

That doesn’t mean that side sleeping is suddenly recommended for babies, or that we should ignore safer-sleep guidance. The advice to place babies on their backs to sleep remains important. But reading this research in the context of breastfeeding and bed-sharing made me think about something we don’t always talk about: what actually happens between a breastfeeding mother and baby when they sleep together.

Because this is the reality for so many families.

A baby wakes. Mum brings them to the breast. They feed lying down. The baby falls asleep. Mum falls asleep too. And sometimes the baby remains curled towards their mother, rather than being carefully repositioned onto their back.

I’ve written before about chest sleeping with your baby, another one of those things that so many mothers find themselves doing but rarely talk about openly. I think both conversations are important because there can be such a disconnect between the sleep advice we’re given and the reality of nights with a breastfeeding baby. And when we don’t talk about these experiences, it’s easy to feel like we’re the only ones doing them.

Making Peace With Our Nights

I think there is a difference between saying “this is the safest position to deliberately put your baby to sleep in” and acknowledging that side-lying breastfeeding and falling asleep together are common parts of life with a breastfed baby.

For me, learning about this research took away some of the guilt I carried from my first baby. I hadn’t set out to put her to sleep on her side. I had been breastfeeding my baby, lying beside her, and sometimes falling asleep in the process.

This is absolutely not me saying that mothers should ignore safer-sleep advice. Quite the opposite. I think the more honest we can be about what happens at night, the better. If you know there is a possibility you might fall asleep while breastfeeding, it makes sense to understand safer bed-sharing guidance and prepare your sleep environment accordingly, rather than trying desperately to stay awake while feeding somewhere like a sofa or armchair.

The Lullaby Trust recommends placing babies on their backs in their own clear, flat sleep space, while also providing advice for parents who may fall asleep while feeding or who choose to bed-share. It is worth reading their current guidance and understanding the circumstances in which bed-sharing should be avoided.

For me, though, there has been something really freeing about understanding that the position my baby and I naturally find ourselves in is something other breastfeeding mothers have experienced too, even though it isn’t the recommended sleep position.

I breastfeed my baby. I sleep beside him. We wake, feed, settle and sleep again. Sometimes he remains on his side, curled towards me, his arm across my body. It’s a familiar part of our nights, even as I remain mindful of the guidance to return babies to their backs for sleep.

It feels instinctive. It feels deeply connected. And this time around, instead of waking with that familiar feeling of “I’ve done something wrong,” I feel much more able to trust myself, while still taking safer sleep seriously.

A Gentler Approach to Baby Sleep

It’s one of the reasons I created my Gentle Baby Sleep Guide. I wanted to offer something different from the usual conversations around baby sleep. Something that acknowledges the biological needs of babies, the importance of closeness and connection, and the reality of breastfeeding through the night.

No sleep training, no pressure to make your baby independent before they’re ready. Just gentle, practical support to help you understand your baby’s sleep and feel more confident navigating your nights together.

Explore my Gentle Baby Sleep Guide →

Maybe that’s one of the biggest differences between becoming a first-time and a second-time mother: you realise that informed motherhood and instinctive motherhood don’t have to be opposites.

You can understand the guidance, know the risks, make your environment as safe as possible — and still acknowledge what naturally happens between a breastfeeding mother and her baby in the darkness of the night.

A Little Note on Safer Sleep

This article shares my personal experiences as a breastfeeding mother and is not intended as medical advice or a recommendation to place babies on their sides to sleep. Side sleeping is associated with an increased risk of SIDS, and observations from individual bed-sharing studies do not establish that it is safe.

The safest place for your baby to sleep is on their back, in their own clear, flat and separate sleep space. If you choose to bed-share or think you might fall asleep while breastfeeding, please familiarise yourself with the guidance, including when bed-sharing should be avoided, and how to reduce risks.

You can find further information from The Lullaby Trust.